AUTHOR: crookedbones

CAST: Jade, Jadesprite

WORD COUNT: 1605

ADDITIONAL TAGS: illustrated, His Dark Materials AU, angst, created for jadefest

EXCERPT: But then the game began for real, and it was like nothing you or Neph had prepared for.

And Jadesprite.

She was sobbing and clutching at her face, eyes wide and searching. “Neph! Neph!” she’d called, knotting her wispy ghost tail.

”I’m here, I’m here,” he chirped, but she could not see him, not for all the brightest plumage he could muster.

You knew every human had a daemon, in the same way that you knew they should have two eyes and ten toes. You had hoped, but never verified, that ghosts have daemons as well.

rec’d by stheere

AUTHOR: rezi

CAST: Jade, Feferi

RATING: G

WORD COUNT: 2357

ADDITIONAL TAGS: created for jadefest

SUMMARY: Two gumptious young lasses — one a nautical princess, one an explorer’s granddaughter — follow in the explorer’s footsteps by going on an adventure of their own! Join them as they delve into the deepest depths of Jade Harley’s island residence! Featuring a fearless fishy friend, a basement full of treasure, a mythical healing fruit and much, much more!

EXCERPT: Your grandpa was always telling you stories. One of his finest escapades led to him discovering what he referred to as “the most priceless treasure I ever laid my peepers on”. Just like all the others he’d tell you about, then. You’ve heard the story a thousand times: his daring trek through rainforests and rivers; his run-in with a hostile tribe that nearly ended him up as dinner; his admiration for the noble savage with the blue-painted skin who rescued him at last and showed him to his prize: the Raspberry of Rejuvenation. Ancient myths tell of how, even for those for whom death’s door is already ajar, just a drop of its juice will make them well once more.

You know this one’s true. A mythical pomegranate, passionfruit, papaya? Something like that could be fake. But a mythical raspberry? You couldn’t make this up.

The catch: you haven’t seen it since Grandpa died. And one thing it can’t do is raise the dead.

rec’d by phrenotobe

AUTHOR: bramblePatch

CAST: Jade♦Kanaya

RATING: G

WORD COUNT: 1172

ADDITIONAL TAGS: hurt/comfort, created for jadefest

SUMMARY: “Space is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.”
- American cosmologist, Carl Sagan

You’re almost certain Carl Sagan said that.

EXCERPT: There was once when Jade was very small - probably more than once, but there’s one particular incident that stands out oddly clear in her memories - once, when she was a little girl, when she still had a grandfather and hadn’t any reason to expect that she ever wouldn’t, Grandpa let her stay up long enough to go out in the soft blackness of the island at night, and they’d gone out onto the hilltop near the house and watched a meteor shower. A real one, with no more esoteric source than the bits of the universe that by some great unlikely chance happened to cross paths with the Earth’s atmosphere, to burn up harmlessly before they could strike.

She’d watched the streaks of light with wide green eyes, uncomprehending of how far the space debris had come, until she’d nodded off to sleep safely nestled between Bec’s soft white fur and the course khaki of Grandpa’s safari costume, and woken the next morning tucked into her own bed.

There’s pretty much nothing about that scenario that still holds true, now.

rec’d by lantadyme

AUTHOR: nocturnalKnight

CAST: Rose♦Dave

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 1422

ADDITIONAL TAGS: no SBURB AU, death, suicidal thoughts, self harm

SUMMARY: Rose becomes the only remaining Lalonde left in the world and hides away in the shadows. Dave won’t let her be washed away by the ever-coming tide.

EXCERPT: The way he remembers her is saltwater and sand crunching in between his toes. Her eyes flashing amethyst-bright underneath the sun. The first time they ever met-if you could call it meeting-was on this beach on a grey day. He’d gone down with his camera to take some ironic pictures of seagulls and scrambled around until he came across her. She was playing the violin on the rocks and the first thing he’d thought when he’d seen her was, “damn, this chick probably has the mad hots for Lindsey Stirling.”

rec’d by asherdashery

AUTHOR: light_rises

CAST: Jade English, John Crocker, Condesce, Halley

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 7203

ADDITIONAL TAGS: siblings, child and animal abuse, dysfunctional family, mind control, violence, created for jadefest

SUMMARY: You mother notices - as if she wouldn’t - but the little rebellions settle in and simmer, remain there, keeping something akin to the peace. Which is the only reason you stay with that tack as long as you do, because it stifles. It pokes a lioness with a stick instead of the Winchester you suspect she deserves and that’s not you. But it’s not just you under her roof and rule. And better a stick than nothing at all.

EXCERPT: It starts off small, as most things do.

You are small yourself, in fact. Not as small as small goes when compared to, say, your brother, but the Child sort of small is what matters to your mother. What matters to all mothers, she insists - it’s the age of being trussed up and paraded about as gay little satellites to maternal pride, making one’s children as shiny and presentable as their dollars can be stretched to take them. And Mother has a lot of dollars at her disposal. One of the smaller ways to keep that green rolling in, she says, is to doll you and yours up for big events. Social events, where “making waves” is a currency the attending grownups deal in. (Your mother talks about making waves a lot.)

Tonight’s party feels enough like the rest. John discovered playing cards three days ago and he’s taken off with some of the other kids to show off the tricks he’s been trying to master. He’s… not very good, but you want to see! Especially if you need to give someone a good whap to the arm for giving him a hard time about it.

Your mother has other plans. She leaves John to his alcove and his audience with a tinkling laugh and takes you by the arm. Her nails give an extra press to the inside of your wrist when you look back; she leaves behind three neat, angry little halfmoons next to the jut of tendon.

rec’d by lantadyme

AUTHOR: Latia

CAST: Jade, Jadesprite, Calliope

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 3617

ADDITIONAL TAGS: created for jadefest

SUMMARY: In between when dream!Jade died and when she got pulled into being Jadesprite, it’s implied she spent time in the dreambubbles. I’d like to see what it’d be like if she spent that time with Calliope and her older dogtier self, as of Calliope and older!Jade’s most recent appearance in canon.

EXCERPT: She was the only human being on this island, there hadn’t been anyone else since she had found her grandfather slumped over the table. Yet there was a voice. An impossible voice.

An impossible voice getting nearer and nearer.

Oddly enough she wasn’t nearly afraid as she probably should have been. The voice wasn’t threatening—if anything it was charming, with a curious lilt that was almost musical. She turned her head left and right, trying to find the source. If she had had dog’s ears, she would have twitched them.

"My apologies, Jade, I really didn’t mean to just drift off like that!" There came a gentle shuffling from a nearby grove of trees (but weren’t they? yards away, minutes ago, she could have sworn-) "I just got so caught up looking at all these splendid little plants! I never got to see any back home, so-"

The girl was tall and skeleton skinny, clad in a fancy moss green suit. But what drew Jade’s eyes was above her neck. Her gray skin. Her empty white eyes.

rec’d by lantadyme

AUTHOR: Stripe

CAST: Jade/Rose/John/Dave

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 8335

ADDITIONAL TAGS: complete, post SBURB AU, created for jadefest

SUMMARY: Four years have passed since the game, and John, Rose, Dave, and Jade go to college and live in a house together. Everything should be perfect. But Jade can’t shake the feeling that something’s missing.

EXCERPT: The wind whips Jade’s hair about her face, and she holds down the hat over her head to keep it from flying off. On the one hand, she appreciates the coming winter, allowing her to wear a hat constantly without attracting attention, but after thirteen years on a tropical island, she can’t pretend to be fond of the cold. She still loves the snow, but this kind of weather - chilling winds and grey skies - can go kick itself in the butt as far as she’s concerned.

Luckily, their house is only a couple of blocks away from the bus stop, so Jade doesn’t suffer long. It’s not the largest place, but it’s perfect for the four of them. It was billed as a single-story, three-bedroom, two bathroom house when they bought it with some of Rose’s mother’s left over money, though only the master bedroom is actually used as a “bedroom.” The second one has become a study, where Rose keeps her books and where they can all plug their laptops in and relax for a bit, and the third is simply a “work room,” whenever somebody (usually Dave) needs some open space for a project.

rec’d by lantadyme

AUTHOR: jadebloods

CAST: Aradia/Roxy

RATING: Explicit

WORD COUNT: 4689

ADDITIONAL TAGS: helmsmen, object insertion, technological kink, involuntary erections, xeno, explicit consent, created for ladystuck 2013

SUMMARY: Chief Petty Officer Roxy Lalonde assists Helmsman Aradia Megido with a loose power connector, with involuntarily sexy results.

EXCERPT: Now that you have a plan, you pull her up into a sitting position, or as much of one as she can manage, and reach behind her to feel around for the wire. “I’m gonna jam this sucker in on the count of three, okay? And you’re gonna breathe with me while I do it. Helmslady lamaze, got that?”

"That multicultural reference makes complete sense," she gasps, barely able to hold herself up. "Fortunately I had planned on breathing anyway!"

"Okay… okay good." Her sides are quivering so you resume rubbing them, and your slime-coated hand slides smoothly over her grub scars. Your fingers dip up and down between them like piano keys, while you grip the port plug with your other hand. "Inhale," you say, breathing in deeply. Aradia complies, inhaling and then exhaling along with you, opening her eyes just enough to look into yours. Her sclera are a bright, cheerful yellow, and up close you can see the spots of red that thread through her irises like flecks of garnet in stone.

"Again." The both of you inhale, and on the exhale you slide the connection home without warning.

rec’d by stheere

AUTHOR: Elizabeth Culmer

CAST: Jade, Dirk, Jane, Rose, Roxy, John, Dave, Jake

RATING: G

WORD COUNT: 5254

ADDITIONAL TAGS: post SBURB AU, pesterlog, created for jadefest

SUMMARY: In which Jade Harley approaches Dirk Strider with a proposal for a secret mecha construction project, because giant robots are awesome, good science and engineering partners are hard to find, and they need to do SOMETHING with their lives after the game.

EXCERPT: GG: instead of tracking down the stray lusus naturae with residual game powers
GG: which is really exhausting for me, maybe not for you, but do they even have souls to destroy???
GG: wait thats off topic
TT: I don’t think ‘soul’ is the right technical term. It has too many religious overtones.
GG: anyway, instead of game powers or just using our normal weapons
TT: The lusii definitely have something I can shred. Kind of like a bright dog, I guess?
GG: we build giant robots and use them to fight the lusii on an equal footing
GG: yes, yes, or motherfucking yes?
TT: Not that I have any direct experience with dogs.
TT: Wait, mecha, seriously?
GG: youve never met a dog???
TT: I’m in.

rec’d by phrenotobe, lantadyme

AUTHOR: nocturnalKnight

CAST: Jade, Becquerel, Grandpa Harley, Rose, Dave, John

RATING: G

WORD COUNT: 5074

ADDITIONAL TAGS: created for jadefest

SUMMARY: Jade Harley has never needed to be protected from anyone but herself. This is a story about a childhood split between a gold moon, a wild island and pixelated pictures; this is a story about growing up. One thing should be made clear; this is not a story about honesty, but it is one about friends.

EXCERPT: You learn the names of almost every fruit and flower as you wander about your garden atrium. Your granddad bought you lots of seeds when you were young. You’ve always loved the feel of dirt under your fingers; the softness of soil giving way. In fact you used to dig around with Bec all the time! You found bones and little trinkets that you stashed away like treasure. Things like completely fossilized crickets and butterflies.

You consider that perhaps you might be a little morbid. But Dave assures you that collecting dead things like trophies is completely normal, and is at least a little encouraged in modern day society.

You laugh.

rec’d by phrenotobe, lantadyme

AUTHOR: HandbagMurder

CAST: Bro/Dave

RATING: Explicit

WORD COUNT: 38124

ADDITIONAL TAGS: complete, #incest, oral sex, teen romance

SUMMARY: Bro has looked after Dave since he was only a baby, and watching him grow up is difficult. As Dave grows into a man, Bro has to deal with raising a teenager and raising himself, and accepting things that challenge everything he has ever known about love.

EXCERPT: “What are you drawing for?” you ask, observing that the egg shaped whatever it was may have been a head. But you can’t be sure.

“Art homework.” He says. “I have to draw something I have that no one else does.”

“Pfft. Lame.” You sit down opposite him and push a few smuppets off the seat to make way for your own plush as fuck rump. “What are you drawing then? Cooties?”

Dave glances up, and without his shades on you can see this gesture, his reddish eyes framed by short, blonde lashes. He blinks, and pulls a face.

“You, dickbag. Now sit still.”

You are taken aback by this. So much so that you can’t even retort. He doesn’t seem bothered, drawing away as if nothing had been said, blonde bangs falling over his face. He needs a haircut.

Usually, you would be flattered if someone wanted to preserve you artistically. Maybe if say a pretty female patron decided she wanted to do some nude portraits, or other sorts of things to that effect, you would be overjoyed, but Dave? Well, art is his thing, you aren’t disputing that his comics are fucking hilarious, but well… as creative and clever as the kid could be he just… in terms of aesthetics…

He isn’t very good.

Awkwardly you clear your throat and look away, not sure you want to be drawn in his stupidly unattractive style. Oh vanity, you cruel mistress.

rec’d by officialalphadave

AUTHOR: venusian_eye

CAST: Eridan♠Sollux; Equius, Kanaya, Karkat, Dave

RATING: M

WORD COUNT: 12243

ADDITIONAL TAGS: complete, AU, xeno, asphyxiation, sadism, mind games, bondage, dubcon, has a sequel

SUMMARY: sollux captor is great at computers and apathetically shitty at interpersonal relations. eridan ampora is a huge douche and it’s usually on purpose. when they aren’t deliberately antagonizing each other, they’re … uh… hold up, are they ever NOT deliberately antagonizing each other?

EXCERPT: You have thirty-six messages from KK, three from CT, none from AA, twelve from FF, a few here and there from the others, and… six thousand, four hundred and eighty-one messages from ED.

… shit, you’d forgotten you bothered to re-alias him from CA. Your lip is curling downwards and your pulse is throbbing a little harder in your temples before you really notice you’re reacting, and when you do, you are incredibly pleased with yourself for ignoring him by complete accident. Let the fucker stew in his own shit for a while.

You check only the approximate file sizes - KK sent you some really obscenely large ones, so you’ll probably have to ask him what the fuck was crawling around in his nook. FF’s were small - brief, reassuring little data packages, but they still sent a stab of disappointed pain through your guts - CT’s were short, long, short - ED’s start off incredibly massive, but it looks like the last five thousand nine hundred and eighty nine of them are all the same message. You open one.

It reads:

fuck you

You snicker, and then delete everything.

rec’d by stheere

AUTHOR: roachpatrol

CAST: Jade, Feferi, Damara

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 1942

ADDITIONAL TAGS: high school AU, humanstuck

EXCERPT: “Hi!” you say, sitting down beside her. “Hello there. Good morning. I’m Jade. Nice to meet you. How about this weather, huh?”

“Join our coven!” Feferi says, because she is a prime time dorkus.

Damara looks down at the two of you. Gosh, seniors are big. You don’t normally go around thinking of yourself as little, but like… gosh. You are teensy.

“Choke on my clit and die,” Damara says.

“What’s a clit?” Feferi asks.

I knew you didn’t have sex!” you hiss.

“Look, anyway,” Feferi says, and slaps her hands on the table. “We’re witches! You’re a witch! Come join our coven and we can do cool witch things together, like right wrongs, or beat up demons, or turn creepy boys inside out. Or whatever. We’re taking suggestions.”

“I’m not a witch,” Damara says.

“Everyone knows you’re a witch,” you say kindly, and dare to pat her arm. She gives you a look and you carefully take your hand back. “Hey, have you had sex?”

rec’d by stheere

AUTHOR: DawnGyocry

CAST: Dave/Karkat; Roxy, Rose, Jade, Bro, John, Grandpa

RATING: M

WORD COUNT: 18047

ADDITIONAL TAGS: complete, petstuck, purring, xeno

SUMMARY: You should probably count yourself lucky you weren’t just culled the day your eyes started betraying your mutant blood to everyone. But because of your relationship with a few highblood friends, you’d been spared enough to be allowed a suicide mission instead.

EXCERPT: You look apprehensively at your surroundings. You’re in some sort of weird, creepily sterile looking block. In one corner there’s a small toilet (speaking of which, you really need to go soon), but it looks like a temporary one that needs to be emptied by hand. Ick. On the padded platform there’s a number of blankets. Other than that, the block is empty.

Three walls of the room are simple grey concrete. The third is made of glass, a door set in its corner. You slowly push yourself to your feet, grunt at the shoot of pain it sends through your shoulder. You shuffle anxiously to the glass wall, knock on it. It sounds wrong, thicker. It must be reinforced. You look out. The small block you’re in looks like it’s inside some bigger block full of weird equipment and electronics you’re not familiar with. You’re stomach churns when you lay eyes on some really sharp tools that look way too much like torture devices to you. You decide you don’t want to know what they’re for. Actually you don’t want to think about it at all.

rec’d by officialalphadave

AUTHOR: Asuka Kureru

CAST: Kankri♠Karkat

RATING: Explicit

WORD COUNT: 2322

ADDITIONAL TAGS: xeno, public sex, oral sex, slurry retention

EXCERPT: “…understand something unexpected might have happened, but in most circumstances he would still be able to find a minute to text us a warning! This is surprisingly inconsiderate.”

Karkat flicks a glance up the body under him, wedged on its back against the wall, just under the open window. He wants to arch an eyebrow, make a face that says, your friends are assholes behind your back, wow, you guys really did find each other. Kankri’s arm is still thrown across his eyes, his face turned, tucked defensively into the crook of his own elbow. His mouth opens onto a silent moan.

rec’d by stheere